Never in my childhood fantasies did I imagine that my special children would be given special circumstances they would have to work with. As we come closer to meeting Sloan for the first time there is just so much I want to tell her right out of the gate. I want her to understand that the road she will go down is not an easy one and it will be a group effort to keep her healthy but it is a part of who we are as a family. Last week was a week full of doctor visits and finished up with an absolutely amazing baby shower where, once again, we were shown just how much our friends and family love us!”
Doctor visit number one was the most exciting! We went to see baby girl at Dr. Rinehart and heard once again that her numbers couldn’t be any better. They are estimating that she weighs 5lbs 3oz (this was last Tuesday) and is still in the 74th ish percentile. Dr. Rinehart also made mention that she is not very cooperative, meaning she is very active and won’t stay still for him to do his thing. I loved hearing that because it is so US! So far she is an absolute perfect blend of the both Jorde and I and we haven’t even met her yet!
Look at this precious little mug shot!!
Wednesday I met with my OB and everything is great as great can be. I like my OB and would recommend her to anybody looking. She is funny and shoots me straight. I need that, otherwise, I tend to start thinking that I am in control.. **warning to all those who have not been pregnant but plan on one day being pregnant** this stuff is so OUT of our control!!!
Thursday was an extremely emotional day. For the first time since finding out the diagnosis, we made our way to Children’s Hospital in Dallas to meet with our CF team. As a parent.. or even a young adult hoping to one day have children, that is the one place you drive by and say a quick prayer that you will never have to set foot in and here we were. I felt the emotions early that morning as we were getting ready. I joked to Jorde that I shouldn’t even put makeup on because it would just be washed away by the end of it. Sure enough, as soon as I turned in the parking lot the helplessness set it. I put on my brave face and kissed my husband. As we walked in we had a funny conversation. Jorde could sense that I was ready to break at any moment and did his best to keep his pregnant wife happy and stress free. He is SOO GOOD TO ME!
After we got through the check in we got in the elevator and I couldn’t hold it back any more. The Tears of the unknown and helplessness started streaming down my face. There was a little girl in the elevator with her mommy and I didn’t mean to scare her but I couldn’t go anywhere but in Jorde’s arms so there I went and cried even harder. Once we got to the 5th floor (our new stomping grounds) I hightailed it to the bathroom to clean up my face a little before I met the doctors for the first time. I didn't want them to think that I was weak. In the bathroom another little girl came up to me and put her hand on my leg and said “iss o-ta.” She was right. It was ok but I couldn’t stop crying… another few minutes and I was good but my face was not. I am not a pretty cryer. I get really red and splotchy. We went and checked in at the CF Clinic and were taken back pretty quick after. Once in the room we got to ask all of our questions. We shot them off one after another after another. With every question came a calculated pause and then the answer. With each pause she took I felt the presence of helplessness. We were in the mist of the very best pulmonary doctors in the nation and they have to pause to answer questions.. It’s scary! Some of the answers weren’t concrete… a lot weren’t actually. In fact, we got the answer “risk verse reward” a lot.
We were about five minutes into our conversation when I stopped to explain that my entire life all I had ever wanted to be was a wife and mom. I have second guessed myself my whole life and this was one thing I knew I was going to be great at. Tears started streaming down my cheeks as I told the Dr. how much I planned and dreamed of being a mom and the effects that our diagnosis have had on me. At this, Jorde teared up. He has been so strong through everything and has been there for me at my lowest times, strong and supportive, to see him release his own emotions was therapeutic in a way. We all need a good cry every once and a while and I am sure these tears won’t be the last we shed over this disease.
Before we knew it we had been there for two hours and exhausted our questions but felt good about our future. Onward we go!
To finish up this week that centered around our baby girl we got to have our first of two celebrations with friends and family and were showered with girly clothes, and bows, and piggy banks, and toys, and blankets.. the list goes on and one. What a beautiful shower!
Sloan’s perfect progress is continuing to follow a strong pattern. If it wasn’t for my concern, Dr. Rinehart probably would have fired us from his patient list since everything is great but he knows he would put me in a panic that is best to avoid. To say the least, she is thriving. Kicking and punching in all the uncomfortable places. She is on a pretty regular pattern to her sleeping and has dropped a little. Her head is down and her butt is up. While it could be any day now, she seems content to stay around for another few weeks while we make the final preparations for her arrival.
Our last baby shower is set for Feb 4th and after that, Jorde and I will make one big trip to Buy Buy Baby to pick up all the items that were not purchased from our registry. What a fun next few weeks we have in store for us. Nothing like what it will be like once she is here but it is nice to know we have things to keep us busy. We are absolutely loving life and can’t wait to meet this little princess that has called my belly her castle for the last 9 months.
