Sunday, August 5, 2012

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

"You're Gonna Miss This"

Oh my goodness it has been a while since I blogged. It isn’t that I haven’t had a million and 3 things to blog about, it is simply finding the time to sit down with my thoughts and write… for that I am sorry.

On to my thoughts….

5 months and 2 weeks old today. I can’t believe it. I seriously can’t believe our baby girl is SITTING UP all by herself! She has the most incredible laugh, she is holding her own bottle, eating sweet potatoes, has her very own signature happy dance, and she is pretty much happy all the time these days! I am loving this stage but sad that I missed out on so much of her infancy because of my exhaustion and need to get back to the old me as soon as possible. I wish I would have allowed everything to be as it was. I will certainly be more laid back with the second kiddo.

 Sloan and I were driving back from the grocery store this morning and the song “you’re gonna miss this” came on. I have always loved this song because it was me in a nut shell. I was always looking forward to the next stage in life. Here I am, almost 10 years out of high school and all of my dreams have come true, I had a great job, married a great man (by great, I mean incredible), lived in a super cute first home and made lots of great memories and now live in my dream home that I get to bring my babies home to and watch them grow up with the neighbor kids. God has given me everything I have ever wanted.

This song now carries a new meaning because I have a daughter that is out to conquer the world. Every day she is doing something new and we praise her and give confidence to do something else new but a day will come when I will want to push the breaks for her so she can sit back and enjoy the ride. I don’t want her to be a grown up… growing up is tough and full of heartbreak (i.e. .. having a child diagnosed with a life shortening disease) I want her to be reflective in the moments she has in her childhood. I hope that she has the very best childhood memories of playing with the Bascik boys and following their big sister around wanting to be just like her, of going to Amarillo and playing with her cousins, and of ski trips and boat trips that she will take with her daddy. I hope that she doesn’t rush out of high school and never look back. I have lots of regrets… maybe not regrets but wish I would have done some things different when it comes to maintaining friendships. Thank goodness for Facebook!!

As I read through some of my old posts the other day I just can’t believe how on point I was when I stated what I wanted for our daughter. There is not a day that will go by that she doesn’t know how loved and taken care of she is. In return, I want her to give back to those that do not have the love and comfort that she has. I know it’s early but I see a very kind heart in that little girl. She makes me so proud when she smiles at a stranger.. I feel like she wants to make their day better. I am so lucky to be Sloan’s mommy and love watching her grow and develop her mind and body. I think she likes me but I don’t know if she will ever truly understand the love I have for her until she holds her first born in her arms and completely surrenders.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Toughen Up

Toughen up…. I have been telling myself that every since I decided I didn’t want to be a cry baby in second grade. I had an AAU basketball couch in Jr. High that told me girls don’t have hamstrings when I told him I had pulled mine. I am still not sure if he was really that stupid or just wanted me to play through the pain but I will never forget that weekend tournament and how it forever defined “play through the pain.” A pulled hamstring, while not career ending will put a running back on the sidelines for at least a game or two and I was expected to play through. I limped every time I went on the court but I did what was asked of me and while I don’t agree with that coach to this day and am somewhat resentful, I still appreciate the life lesson it taught me. You can fight through an extreme amount of pain if you have to.

This weekend was so much fun. We moved into a very involved neighborhood and got Sloan out and about for the first time to two neighborhood cookouts. We weighed the risks and decided that since she would be in her stroller 95% of the time, outdoors, and we were going with a posey of protectors in case anybody got too close we would be ok. Everything went off great. Jorde and I were feeling good about our decision to bring her out even though I had anxiety building as we got closer to the crowds. We can’t protect her forever or put her in a bubble and I am not going to sit inside while there is a party happening right across the street. It wasn’t until I took Sloan out of her stroller and was talking to some older ladies about who knows what when one old lady started to get handsy and started to grab for Sloan and said “oh let me hold that sweet thing”.. SIRENS, PANIC BUTTON…. HEEEEEELP!!!! I pulled back real quick and was able to calmly ask her to wash her hands.. at that she got very defensive and pushed herself back in her chair and said “Oh, I see!” I was able to quickly calm myself down in order to explain that Sloan has CF and we have to be very careful with germ exposure. I went on to tell her that if she felt healthy and would wash her hands I would be more than happy to let her hold our baby. You could tell she was embarrassed in her reaction and taken back by my whole presentation. She went in to wash her hands and when she went in I was left with the rest of the women, one was my neighbor that knows our story and she nodded to me that it was OK.

 I didn’t think it was… I was just as mortified as that women. I hate embarrassing people, in fact, I go out of my way not to embarrass them and in turn will embarrass myself. I felt the tears coming and my whole body becoming weak. I don’t want to cry.. I don’t want them to know that I am terrified every moment I have her out. I want them to know that we are a normal family with a normal kid but all of a sudden I felt so isolated, so different. My neighbor, I guess, sensed that I was getting emotional and quickly changed the subject so the tears never made it past my eyes and we moved on to a different topic. When the lady came out she told me she had washed up to her elbows but didn’t feel comfortable holding the baby so she just touched her feet and talked to me about CF. I am worried this is going to be everyone’s reaction.. they will then pull back in order to be “ respectful” but really they are doing exactly what I don’t want to have done to my daughter, they are making her different.. fragile. We want people to hold her and love on her (no kisses on the face please) but it takes an understanding of what CF is and who we are to feel comfortable with that. As I was finishing up that conversation my other neighbor came up said,” I just washed up, give me that baby!” and I was happy to do so. Just a little peace of mind knowing I was giving her to someone who recognizes what I need to feel comfortable putting my baby out into the world. I know if she felt the slightest sore throat or cough she would not have asked to hold our everything. Because I know that she cares that much I am comfortable with our baby in her care.

Toughen up…. I don’t know if I will ever be tough enough to have a sick kid. It is heartbreaking and comes with challenges nobody will understand. Playing through the pain is part of being a parent but as the pain gets worse I can only hope that my tolerance gets stronger. Here are some pictures of little miss as of late. She is growing like a weed. She has gone from the 5th percentile to the 20th percentile. We are so proud of her.
Watching baseball with her daddy
first pool party with the Bascik boys!
Chilling on daddy's boat

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

A Little Bit of Perspective

37…When a child is born with Cystic Fibrosis today their parents are told the average person affected with Cystic Fibrosis lives to be 37. While this is leaps and bounds from where they were just 14 or even 5 years ago it isn’t enough. A parent of a CF baby is given a timeline for their child. 18 ½ is middle aged for Sloan.

Hard facts to swallow but there is good news to follow that blow to the future.
“There is hope – there is amazing research being done and we do believe a cure will be found in your child’s lifetime.” That is what the doctors tell us. Until then we do everything we can to keep our children healthy so when the cure is found they don’t skip a beat. There is a quote I found in all the research I was doing on CF that haunts me to this day -from Germany and Switzerland in the 18th century warned "Woe to the child who tastes salty from a kiss on the brow, for he is cursed and soon must die." Thank God this is no longer the case. Thank God that while 37 is the life expectancy given we know that Cf’ers are out living this number by 10’s if not 20’s of years and while we are fighting to keep our CF’ers healthy the CF Foundation, scientist and doctors are fighting to put themselves out of business by finding the cure. I say all this to put it in perspective. Our situation is not light. Everyday we put on our game faces on as we serve applesauce covered with enzymes and salt to our two month old, pat her back so hard in hopes of knocking some mucus from her lungs (there is a certain way to do it that doesn’t hurt or harm her) and hope that the people we encounter each day aren’t going to get our baby sick. Through it all we have hope for a long long life for our baby girl. Hope and prayers from our warriors out there is what allows us to stay so positive in this battle.

Yesterday I was browsing Facebook and clicked on a link a former co-worker posted and was instantly put in my place. I clicked on a blog entitled “Avery’s Bucket List” and what I read was gut wrenching. Avery also has a genetic disease only this disease has no foundation raising money and awareness and no research being done to cure this life ending disease. Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA.) She has been given 10 months of life and in that time her entire body will shut down, little by little. Her legs have already stopped moving. The entry I read today, told by her dad but through Avery’s eyes, went through the conversation that her parents had with the doctors. The conversation had to do with how much effort they should put into resuscitating their daughter if they walk in to her nursery one morning and find her not breathing. It is devastating to think about their reality and yet, They are living each moment they have with their daughter to its fullest! Making the most of an impossible situation. My heart hurts for them and at the same time I am so encouraged by their strength and overflowing love that they are showing during this time. It is horrible that in less than a year they will be giving their baby girl to Jesus and left coming home to a quite house and trying to put their life back together. I have seen that play out once before and I know they will never be the same. They will find a new normal and every day they will feel empty and no matter what, no matter how hard they try their little girl will never be in their arms again.

As part of her bucket list she and her parents want to spread awareness of SMA. Please take a look at their blog. Please spread the word and maybe.. just maybe.. There will be enough awareness brought to this disease that it will no longer be given no hope but instead, enough of the “right” people will take notice and begin trying to cure this “incurable” genetic disease.

I am so grateful for the people that paved the way for the CF foundation, the doctors, the scientists and the almost promise that Sloan will have more tomorrows than we can count. Avery is a pioneer for her disease and I hope that her impact on this world will bring scientists, doctors, rich people with lots of money to spend together and maybe one day there will be a little Sloan born to the world and her parents can be optimistic for a long life for their daughter instead of being forced to live with the reality that their daughter or son will never outgrow diapers or even crawl. God bless this family.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

As we enter into our third month of having Sloan in our arms and settling into our new life I have found that parenthood is a series of trial and errors… If at first you don’t succeed try and try again.. and again.. and again.. and again! In my life there are few things that I am just terrible at. Fortunately for me those things are not on my bucket list and do not interfere with my day to day life. Unfortunately for me I have a deep desire to be really good (not perfect but really good) at everything else. Being a mother and a wife has always been the most important roles I would play and while wifing came all too easy for me (mostly because I married my best friend and he makes it easy on me) becoming a mom threw me for a loop. I am great with other peoples kids so I presumed I would be just as good.. or better with my own.

I’m getting the hang of it certainly but these first three months are no joke. You need all the help you can get and I certainly called in reinforcements more than I ever thought I would. Thank God my mom and mother in law’s want to spend as much time with Sloan as they can possible get. This was and is huge in my “finding me again” process. Sloan will appreciate this post one day but I am mostly writing this because there are a few items and ways of doing things (and not doing things) that I want to share.

First things first, keep your moms close.. all of them, even if they drive you absolutely bonkers! They raised you and your “baby daddy” and, unless they have been institutionalized, would be fine to watch the baby so you can take a much needed nap. My mother in law and I do not see eye to eye on a lot of things but I have come to count on her for my mental recovery more than once. She called one day to check on Sloan and she could tell that I hadn’t slept in days (solid sleep) and knew that Jorde had a few deadlines at work so he was unable to relieve me. I didn’t ask but my desperation shown through the phone and she invited herself over to “see” the baby after work that afternoon. When she got to the house I hightailed it to my bedroom and got 4 hours (she gave her a bottle) of real sleep. It was fantastic. My mom has come to stay with us a total of 4 weeks since Sloan has been here. She lives in Amarillo so her trips are longer but more spread out. When she came this last week I found myself feeding Sloan and handing her off to my mom (Nana) and I was free to run errands, or nap, or take a shower, or make dinner… I felt like a free woman… for 3 ½ hours at least. So, Favorite thing #1 ~ MOMS!!!!

Thing #2 “MY BREAST FRIEND” This is the single most important item if you are a first time mommy and plan on breastfeeding. Bring it to the hospital!! It will save you so much discomfort and frustration. Breastfeeding does not come natural and any help you can get will take the edge off of you and your baby. I did not take it to the hospital, nor did I think about having my mom bring it to me and I so wish I would have. I feel like we could have gotten off to a much better start. The moment we got home and we had our first feeding with it my shoulders dropped for the first time and poor Sloan was given some full body support instead of my unsure hands. I have a boppy, and while effective, the Breast Friend is SO much better. Some lactation consultants don’t like the Breast Friend but I would ignore most everything they have to say other than if your baby has latching issues. They (in my case anyways) are very opinionated with little facts to support their theories.

Thing #3 The “Swaddle Me” wrap by HALO. I tried the other brands but this one works best for our little sleeper. The other ones either road up too close to her face or required that her hands be to her side and she was just not having that. The Swaddle Me by halo allows for her hands to be tucked under her chin without then coming out and flailing about. We didn’t quite understand the concept of the swaddle until we read the book “Happiest Baby on the Block” (this will be talked about more in a bit.) We had started letting her sleep free form after 2 weeks thinking she must be so uncomfortable. When she ended up sleeping worse (not that we noticed right away because she was all over the place) we were reading that book and it clicked. Her next nap we had that thing back on her and she slept…. Well… like a baby! Don’t let your parents intimidate you out of using it because they will. They think it is traumatizing them .. lots of things have changed since I was in diapers.

#4 my MEDELA FREESTYLE BREAST PUMP! I am so happy with the medela freestyle. Breastfeeding and then following up with pumping is difficult but necessary and this pump makes it just a tad bit easier. This pump has all the bells and whistles. If I were inclined, I could strap those bad boys on and fold laundry or do the dishes (I am not inclined.) It is small so you can take it anywhere.

Things # 5-8 The MAMAROO, NAP NANNY, OUTDOOR BLANKET, and the MOTOROLA VIDEO MONITOR. The Mamaroo is like a swing on steroids! It is cool looking and had 4 or 5 different settings, speeds, and noise options. It just got interesting to her in the last week but the smile on her face and overall contentment made it an instant best purchase! Its motions are set to imitate natural motions she would experience when you holding her or in the car. LOVE IT! The Nap Nanny sat in our closet for the first few weeks because she was so small but once she hit 7 lbs (the warning label says 8lbs) we put her in there and she was a much happier baby. Lying on their back is not natural in the ways of going to the restroom and the Nap Nanny gives them great positioning to do their business as well as a new angle to view the world. I know a lot of moms let their babies sleep over night in these suckers and I don’t blame them. We have only used ours for the purpose of a nap or interaction without being held. Maybe it’s just me but when you stay at home with a newborn a little bit of fresh air can go a LOOOONG way in terms of sanity. Sloan and I spend 15-30 minutes once or twice a day outside. I found though, that I have to act fast if I want a happy baby outside (people can hear her cry and it is embarrassing) so the outdoor blanket works well. I can plop it down without having to worry about shaking it from the last time out, through her Nap Nanny down and there we are.. a happy little family enjoying some fresh air. Lastly, the video monitor. We actually have three monitors in this house (talk about overkill) but the video monitor is the only one we use. We have the Angelcare monitor that is supposed to monitor their movements and heartbeats and if there is nothing detected in 15 seconds an alarm goes off but since her mattress is at an incline this feature does not work making the whole reason we got it pointless. It has a video monitor that comes with it but it does not have a very clear picture. The Motorola monitor is awesome. It has a swivel cam that allows me to set it just so in order to view my angel wherever I place her in her crib.

Other things I have learned through trial and error: You can NOT have enough burp rags.. When you think you have enough, buy a package of cloth diapers (that’s what they are anyways) just to keep as extras. Also, we have yet to use our very nice and much anticipated City Select Stroller that I just had to have before we brought her home. This has a lot to do with us going almost nowhere with the baby but keep that in mind if you are trying to figure out what you need now and what you need later. When we take her to the doctor we just carry her in the carseat. I would say that if you plan on getting back to running the jogging stroller (with the newborn carseat attachment) would be a good immediate purchase. If you have to choose I would get the jogging stroller first.

When we first got home with Sloan it seemed like just as we woke up it was time to go back to sleep. Time really does get away from you in those early weeks. We found a great app on our iphone that helped us keep track of her Feedings, it’s called Ibaby Feed and it was a life saver! Even though I was totally not on top of the mommy thing I sure fooled our doctors into thinking I was.

Books!! Oh what fun and as if we had the time. Bah! I wish I would have read more before she got here because there was little time to read after that. The books that we have read and highly recommend are: Baby Wise, Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Baby, Happiest Baby on the Block, What to expect in the first year, and Bringing up Bebe (haven’t finished this one yet but I like where it is going.)

Baby Wise: Jorde and I knew early on that we did not want to demand feed Sloan. She was going to have a lot on her plate and the more we were able to give her stability in her nap time and feeding times the better it would be in the long run. This book is pretty harsh if you follow it to a T so we took bits and pieces and made up our own version. We have not done the cry it out with her although we don’t pick her up every time she starts to cry. In letting her cry for a few minutes we were able to figure out what her crys meant pretty early on. This book provides a great structure to the day and there is a great support website to help you identify schedules that work for your family and it has a great interactive place for moms and dads to help eachother through the ups and downs.

Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Baby: This book is good for children of all ages. It does a lot of explaining the reason why healthy sleep patterns are so important. If anything this books reinforces that you are doing the right thing by instilling a schedule to your baby’s life.

Happiest Baby on the Block: My favorite book!!! I found this book so reassuring in the third week of mommyhood when I decided I was a terrible mom and was doing everything wrong. This book, got to the point quickly on what I needed to do for my baby to be happy, sleep for long periods of time, and explained that there is such a thing as over stimulating a baby (a point that is hard to drive home to some people.) Happiest Baby on the Block speaks to the neurological aspect of your child and the fact that they are not ready for this world after only 10 months of pregnancy. They have defined the first three months of a baby’s life as the 4th trimester and explains you should mimic the womb as much as possible to give her security. After I read this book I felt good about the steps we were taking as parents and we saw instant changes in Sloan. She went down for a nap quicker and was all together happier during her wake time.

What to Expect: I am sure everyone has this one and it is great. Wonderful reference material. We use this book as a mile marker and to check our facts. My only advice with this book is make sure you have the most recent copy. There are a lot of discrepancies between the years.

Bringing up Bebe: I have only just begun this book but I really like it. The premise is an American woman observed how the French approach parenting and how much better behaved (generally speaking) the French kids are when compared to the American kids. One thing that sticks out is Americans “discipline” and the French “teach”… food for thought. It seems to be a good book though.

I am loving watching Sloan grow and even better is watching her grow and having the satisfaction that I am doing everything I can to help her thrive. I have never worked so hard or cared so much for something in my whole life. What a blessing each day is

Thursday, March 29, 2012

The rest of the story

What a rat race parenthood is. We brought her home and there we were, the three of us.. well my parents too. When I left our house to go to the doctor on that Monday I didn’t know that was the last time I would be in our home as it had always been. Calm, everything in its place… The house was ready for a baby but I now realize that until you bring a baby into your world it doesn’t look like a baby lives there no matter how much baby stuff you have nicely in its place. When we pulled it to the driveway we told Sloan that this was her home. We walked her in to a freshly clean (sparkling clean) home and told her to make herself at home and then we took her to her room. She was home and I really think she liked it.

Now, almost 6 weeks later I look back and can’t believe we are still standing. I will admit it (not that there is anything to be ashamed of), I had the baby blues pretty bad. On top of the baby blues the first few days were stressful trying to get all of the CF stuff worked out. To be clear, there was no point during my baby blues that I wasn’t absolutely in love and cherished every moment with our princess but in every moment I wasn’t holding her, grasping on to the most perfect piece of me, I was trembling with sadness, overwhelmed with the unknown, and working hard to remember who I was on Monday morning before the doctor told me I was going to have a baby. My world was complete but I felt so alone.

I knew it was the case of the baby blues but in those moments it is hard to talk yourself out of it. Especially when you are sleep deprived! Now that I am getting into the swing of things again and getting into a good sleep schedule I am remembering what an awesome life I have and why I couldn’t wait to get this little princess here to join our family! She is spectacular. Over the last week I have witnessed her first “real” smile along with her cooing. She captivates us with her facial expressions (the only thing I can claim that she got from me at this time) and we are convinced that she already has a whole book in her head waiting to write.

She is adding more tricks to her belt each and every day. Each day she does something different and I find myself thinking “I really do have the smartest child on this planet!!” I am just so impressed! I also had the realization that she’s ours! I know that seems to be common sense but let me explain… I love my nephew, and my cousin’s kids so much. So much it hurts that I am not more a part of their life. The difference is I don’t have to give her back. I can love on her as much as I want to without having to share (expect with daddy of course) and I find that to be so rewarding! She is all mine! I

They don’t tell you .. well, people try to tell you but you don’t listen.. how hard it is when you become a parent. Nobody will ever understand until they go through it themselves. I get that now and I have a new found respect for all the women who have gone before me. I am praying for those women who are going through it with me and I am pretty sure the women who do it over and over again are insane (although I hope to be one of the insane one day.) I am loving our new life and finding myself in this whole thing every day.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Our Birth Story

Three weeks into mommy-hood and I still find it hard to believe I actually have her in my arms! 9 months of planning and dreaming of her never could have possibly prepared us for what the last three weeks have been like. We are so excited and exhausted in our new life as parents. It is true, no one, no matter how detailed their explanation is, can possibly prepare you for becoming a parent…. A mommy…

Our birth story goes like this.. One thing is for sure, if you plan it out it will not go your way.. Case I point. On Sunday, February 12th Jorde and I had a busy day planned with maternity pictures and being interviewed by the CF foundation for a video they are putting together for the big benefit being held in May. After the hustle bustle of the day had ended Jorde made some steaks and we sat down in front of the tv to enjoy what would be our last night without a baby’s schedule to tend to. I noticed that Sloan wasn’t her usual self. Normally after a big dinner like that I have no problem feeling her every movement but tonight was different. I decided to begin counting kicks. I hadn’t had to do this during the entire pregnancy. She has always been a busy baby. I got the 10 kicks I needed to assure myself that she was not in immediate danger but I wasn’t sold. I told Jorde that I would call the doctor first thing in the morning to get everything checked out.

The next morning came and I called my OB to see if I could move my appointment up a day (I was scheduled to go in the morning of the 14th.) they had me come in ASAP to ensure all was well. Sloan had the hiccups that morning but not much more movement so I was happy they were as concerned as I was. I got to the hospital at 9:00 and went to the sonogram lady first (not the specialist) to confirm that all of Sloan’s vitals were good but that she wasn’t moving a lot. In every sonogram visit I have, whether it be the specialist or the normal sonogram lady I always ask if she is gonna be a big baby. She has always measured big but the last month she was going down in the percentages. The tech told me that she was petite but that I had two more weeks to make up the weight.. “Ok” I thought. After that I met with my OB and my measurements had shrunk to 36 when I should have been measuring 38 or 39. This wasn’t as alarming as it seemed because the baby liked to lie sideways so I went wide before I went out. All the same my OB’s assistant made an appointment with my specialist for 1:00 that day. The specialist has a tech that comes in prior to him to run all the measurements. After both had done their measurements the specialist told me that Sloan has not grown in two weeks (the last appointment I had) and they feel it best to go ahead and deliver to ensure she is getting the proper nutrients she needs. They are not sure why the nutrients stopped getting to her but they just did. She was failure to thrive at this point. They went on to tell me that if I did not deliver we run a high risk of seriously injuring her including having a stillborn…. Scary??? ummm yeah but it was totally manageable. My motherly instinct (so my mom calls it) told me to go in and I did and this is what is best for my baby so I rested my worried mind with that and proceeded with allowing myself to enjoy the moments to come. The only problem was my phone had died during the 4 hours I was at the hospital. I called Jorde from the Doctor’s personal office and told him their findings. The call was one of concern but we ended it on a positive note with “WE’RE HAVING A BABY!!” after that I called my mom and then headed down to labor and delivery.

I had always imagined a scenario where I wake Jorde up in the middle of the night and we count contractions while we finish gathering our things for the hospital. Then, we go to the hospital together and he fills out the paperwork while they get me in a wheelchair and we smile lovingly at one another while we wait for them to get me logged in their system… scratch that! I went down all by myself with no phone while Jorde frantically rushed home to grab our bags (thank goodness we had everything but our toiletries packed) and take our dogs to the doggie day care. After that he got to the hospital and we ordered Chinese food.

We ended up inducing the labor and a little over 24 hours later I was pushing our beautiful baby girl into the world. I did have an epidural and was so thankful for it. Once I felt the contractions in full force I knew I was not strong enough to fight through the pain and I wanted to enjoy the last moments with my husband before two became three. I didn’t want to spend them in pain. The best part was, I didn’t feel any contraction after the epidural but I did get to feel our little girl enter the world. It was amazing! I had what was a called a light epidural and highly recommend it!

We were in active (pushing) labor for only 40 minutes. My mental state was that of an athlete. At one point I told Jorde that I have such a high I might not even cry when they give her to me. WRONG!! As soon as I felt her leave my body and they put her directly on top of my chest I cried the most amazing cry I have ever experienced! I am crying now just thinking about that cry! She was perfect! PERFECT! They let me hold her for a good five minutes before taking her to do her measurements. Jorde was mesmerized! We are complete!

Sloan Madison Scott entered the world at 8:16PM on Valentine’s Day 2012 weighing 5.10 and measuring 19.5 inches.

Thursday, January 26, 2012


When I was a little girl I dreamed of what my husband would be like and what kind of family we would have. Would we have a family on the go with sports, church, and hanging out with friends.. Perhaps we would have a family full of singers and would travel the world like a modern day Von Trapp family.. After I figured out that they wouldn’t be getting their singing talent from me and then met Jorde and confirmed that we would not be getting any record labels signed I came to the conclusion that we would be the family “on the go” which suites us just fine as that is just who we are.

Never in my childhood fantasies did I imagine that my special children would be given special circumstances they would have to work with. As we come closer to meeting Sloan for the first time there is just so much I want to tell her right out of the gate. I want her to understand that the road she will go down is not an easy one and it will be a group effort to keep her healthy but it is a part of who we are as a family. Last week was a week full of doctor visits and finished up with an absolutely amazing baby shower where, once again, we were shown just how much our friends and family love us!”

Doctor visit number one was the most exciting! We went to see baby girl at Dr. Rinehart and heard once again that her numbers couldn’t be any better. They are estimating that she weighs 5lbs 3oz (this was last Tuesday) and is still in the 74th ish percentile. Dr. Rinehart also made mention that she is not very cooperative, meaning she is very active and won’t stay still for him to do his thing. I loved hearing that because it is so US! So far she is an absolute perfect blend of the both Jorde and I and we haven’t even met her yet!

Look at this precious little mug shot!!

Wednesday I met with my OB and everything is great as great can be. I like my OB and would recommend her to anybody looking. She is funny and shoots me straight. I need that, otherwise, I tend to start thinking that I am in control.. **warning to all those who have not been pregnant but plan on one day being pregnant** this stuff is so OUT of our control!!!

Thursday was an extremely emotional day. For the first time since finding out the diagnosis, we made our way to Children’s Hospital in Dallas to meet with our CF team. As a parent.. or even a young adult hoping to one day have children, that is the one place you drive by and say a quick prayer that you will never have to set foot in and here we were. I felt the emotions early that morning as we were getting ready. I joked to Jorde that I shouldn’t even put makeup on because it would just be washed away by the end of it. Sure enough, as soon as I turned in the parking lot the helplessness set it. I put on my brave face and kissed my husband. As we walked in we had a funny conversation. Jorde could sense that I was ready to break at any moment and did his best to keep his pregnant wife happy and stress free. He is SOO GOOD TO ME!

After we got through the check in we got in the elevator and I couldn’t hold it back any more. The Tears of the unknown and helplessness started streaming down my face. There was a little girl in the elevator with her mommy and I didn’t mean to scare her but I couldn’t go anywhere but in Jorde’s arms so there I went and cried even harder. Once we got to the 5th floor (our new stomping grounds) I hightailed it to the bathroom to clean up my face a little before I met the doctors for the first time. I didn't want them to think that I was weak. In the bathroom another little girl came up to me and put her hand on my leg and said “iss o-ta.” She was right. It was ok but I couldn’t stop crying… another few minutes and I was good but my face was not. I am not a pretty cryer. I get really red and splotchy. We went and checked in at the CF Clinic and were taken back pretty quick after. Once in the room we got to ask all of our questions. We shot them off one after another after another. With every question came a calculated pause and then the answer. With each pause she took I felt the presence of helplessness. We were in the mist of the very best pulmonary doctors in the nation and they have to pause to answer questions.. It’s scary! Some of the answers weren’t concrete… a lot weren’t actually. In fact, we got the answer “risk verse reward” a lot.

We were about five minutes into our conversation when I stopped to explain that my entire life all I had ever wanted to be was a wife and mom. I have second guessed myself my whole life and this was one thing I knew I was going to be great at. Tears started streaming down my cheeks as I told the Dr. how much I planned and dreamed of being a mom and the effects that our diagnosis have had on me. At this, Jorde teared up. He has been so strong through everything and has been there for me at my lowest times, strong and supportive, to see him release his own emotions was therapeutic in a way. We all need a good cry every once and a while and I am sure these tears won’t be the last we shed over this disease.

Before we knew it we had been there for two hours and exhausted our questions but felt good about our future. Onward we go!

To finish up this week that centered around our baby girl we got to have our first of two celebrations with friends and family and were showered with girly clothes, and bows, and piggy banks, and toys, and blankets.. the list goes on and one. What a beautiful shower!

Sloan’s perfect progress is continuing to follow a strong pattern. If it wasn’t for my concern, Dr. Rinehart probably would have fired us from his patient list since everything is great but he knows he would put me in a panic that is best to avoid. To say the least, she is thriving. Kicking and punching in all the uncomfortable places. She is on a pretty regular pattern to her sleeping and has dropped a little. Her head is down and her butt is up. While it could be any day now, she seems content to stay around for another few weeks while we make the final preparations for her arrival.

Our last baby shower is set for Feb 4th and after that, Jorde and I will make one big trip to Buy Buy Baby to pick up all the items that were not purchased from our registry. What a fun next few weeks we have in store for us. Nothing like what it will be like once she is here but it is nice to know we have things to keep us busy. We are absolutely loving life and can’t wait to meet this little princess that has called my belly her castle for the last 9 months.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Sneak Peek at the nursery

We are far from done but here's what we have so far. If she came tomorrow, which she better not, I would be happy with it but we still need to get her name letters for over the bed, a quote over her closet and bathroom doors, a side table for my glider, a chandelier, different knobs for the dresser, sheets, bed skirt (being made currently), curtains (being made currently), a rug, book shelf, and a few finishing touches.. or impulse buys if you will. I will know it was meant to be when I see it :)

Saturday, December 31, 2011

2011 ~ The year through pictures

Sloany Bologna!!!!
Only 58 days to go until we get to meet you. What a year 2011 has been. The most notable achievement was finding out we would be having beautiful perfect you! Everything else was just icing on the cake. Since we first found out you were coming everything we did and every decision we made had you in mind.

To celebrate the year you were created your daddy and I wanted to give you a snapshot of everywhere you went while you grew. This year is so special to us because it is the year that changed us forever! For the better of course! Your arrival is certainly going to be a learning curve but carrying you through such an amazing year has been my honor. I love you baby girl and can not wait to share life experiences with you in our arms!!!
Love you to the moon and back,

January 2011 ~ We rang in the new year full of anticipation of a potential you but never dreamed we would love you so much!

February 2011 ~We had the worst winter storm Dallas has ever seen. Your dad thought it was a good idea to take a picture of me looking silly while playing outside with the dogs. Nice dinners with friends is something your mommy and daddy used to do alot. chance and Laura entertained us with an amazing dinner at Nick and Sam's. Sweet Ainslee went to be with Jesus and my soul was rocked. I will never be the same. If I protect you too much and don't let you go please understand that the sadness our friends live with is something I hope to never experience.

March 2011 ~ Daddy and I headed down to Lower Greenville to partake in our last St. Patrick's day without you as our adorable accessory. I can't wait to show you off in your Irish garb!! you know your Great Granddad is Irish! Also, your Nana, aunt's, and cousins came to play in Dallas for the weekend! don't tell daddy but I bought you an outfit while they were here. I knew you would be a girl when you came into our lives 2 months later..Your cousins gave me a good lesson on having 4 small kids to tend to. I think I can do it though, especially with you leading the pack :)

April 2011 ~ Can you say wedding season!!! My oh my! We had a bridal shower for your "Aunt Lauren and Uncle Hunter, celebrated the Coxin's nuptials in good ole Aggie Fashion and yes, your mom did watch the ENTIRE coverage of the royal wedding. I had to prepare myself for when I marry off my princess!!

May 2011 ~ Don't forget this month. it is very important. May 10th is your daddy's birthday and he LOVES to celebrate birthdays. Because I thought I would be pregnant with you for his big 3.0. I decided to throw him a surprise party at topgolf. He was very surprised and we had a great time with all of our friends. His gift was golf clubs but the week after his birthday he brought home that fancy boat that you will learn to wakeboard, tube, and ski on.

June 2011 ~ Best month ever!!! Your Aunt Emma and Aunt Ashley came to visit a lot! We had a ton of fun. This was also the month that Lauren and Hunter got married ANNNNNNND... The month we found out we were going to have you! If you notice I have wine in one picture and in the next I am wine-less. You were 4 weeks old.

July 2011 ~ July was fun because we got to tell your grandparents, aunts, and uncles. The most amazing site I have ever seen was our first look at you! What a beautiful person you are. We also got to throw a baby shower for your friend Jackson.

August 2011 ~ I don't have any pictures for August but my memory is still very clear. August was scary. We found out that you might have CF during this month and later confirmed it. I was heartbroken but didn't want anybody to know until we knew for sure. You had already won us over and I couldn't imagine you ever being in any pain. I went to Amarillo to be with our family and let their company act as a distraction until we knew for sure. It was Trapper's second birthday and all I could think about was hoping that you had the chance to spend all the time in Amarillo that you wanted to so that you knew just how great your family is. Looking back, it was silly to be so worried because I know you will have great doctors that will allow you to go to dusty ole Amarillo and spend LOTS of time with your cousins. YAY!!

September 2011 ~ The official news of your diagnosis went public this month and it was confirmed that you are SOOO loved. We were draped in hugs and support. The love that people have for us and you was unbelievable. In addition to the news it was also my birthday. We went to College Station to watch the Aggies lose (they do that alot so get ready.) Daddy also beat himself up on the wakeboard and had to get surgery on his pectoral muscle. Don't worry though, he will be better by the time you get here.

October 2011 ~ Madison passed away this month. She was so excited to meet you and hold you. When we told her you were going to have CF she cried for you. We can talk more about her when you are older but you should know that she has big plans for you! She wants you to be a doctor so you can cure CF (and if it is already cured you can cure another orphan disease.) For my birthday your dad got me 4 tickets to the Taylor Swift concert. they didn't know I snuck in a 5 person (you silly)

November 2011 ~ This month began our whirlwind as we got the house ready for our family and friends to preview before you get here. Nana and your aunts and cousins came in to town to help us get everything ready. We could not have done it without them!

December 2011 ~ We got to have trial run for your first Christmas... its going to be a good one for sure. I spoke at the CF event to raise some money to find you a cure and we went to Amarillo one last time before your arrival to see the family. You did great!!!