The rest of the story

What a rat race parenthood is. We brought her home and there we were, the three of us.. well my parents too. When I left our house to go to the doctor on that Monday I didn’t know that was the last time I would be in our home as it had always been. Calm, everything in its place… The house was ready for a baby but I now realize that until you bring a baby into your world it doesn’t look like a baby lives there no matter how much baby stuff you have nicely in its place. When we pulled it to the driveway we told Sloan that this was her home. We walked her in to a freshly clean (sparkling clean) home and told her to make herself at home and then we took her to her room. She was home and I really think she liked it.

Now, almost 6 weeks later I look back and can’t believe we are still standing. I will admit it (not that there is anything to be ashamed of), I had the baby blues pretty bad. On top of the baby blues the first few days were stressful trying to get all of the CF stuff worked out. To be clear, there was no point during my baby blues that I wasn’t absolutely in love and cherished every moment with our princess but in every moment I wasn’t holding her, grasping on to the most perfect piece of me, I was trembling with sadness, overwhelmed with the unknown, and working hard to remember who I was on Monday morning before the doctor told me I was going to have a baby. My world was complete but I felt so alone.

I knew it was the case of the baby blues but in those moments it is hard to talk yourself out of it. Especially when you are sleep deprived! Now that I am getting into the swing of things again and getting into a good sleep schedule I am remembering what an awesome life I have and why I couldn’t wait to get this little princess here to join our family! She is spectacular. Over the last week I have witnessed her first “real” smile along with her cooing. She captivates us with her facial expressions (the only thing I can claim that she got from me at this time) and we are convinced that she already has a whole book in her head waiting to write.

She is adding more tricks to her belt each and every day. Each day she does something different and I find myself thinking “I really do have the smartest child on this planet!!” I am just so impressed! I also had the realization that she’s ours! I know that seems to be common sense but let me explain… I love my nephew, and my cousin’s kids so much. So much it hurts that I am not more a part of their life. The difference is I don’t have to give her back. I can love on her as much as I want to without having to share (expect with daddy of course) and I find that to be so rewarding! She is all mine! I


They don’t tell you .. well, people try to tell you but you don’t listen.. how hard it is when you become a parent. Nobody will ever understand until they go through it themselves. I get that now and I have a new found respect for all the women who have gone before me. I am praying for those women who are going through it with me and I am pretty sure the women who do it over and over again are insane (although I hope to be one of the insane one day.) I am loving our new life and finding myself in this whole thing every day.