2011 ~ The year through pictures

Sloany Bologna!!!!
Only 58 days to go until we get to meet you. What a year 2011 has been. The most notable achievement was finding out we would be having beautiful perfect you! Everything else was just icing on the cake. Since we first found out you were coming everything we did and every decision we made had you in mind.

To celebrate the year you were created your daddy and I wanted to give you a snapshot of everywhere you went while you grew. This year is so special to us because it is the year that changed us forever! For the better of course! Your arrival is certainly going to be a learning curve but carrying you through such an amazing year has been my honor. I love you baby girl and can not wait to share life experiences with you in our arms!!!
Love you to the moon and back,
Mommy


January 2011 ~ We rang in the new year full of anticipation of a potential you but never dreamed we would love you so much!

February 2011 ~We had the worst winter storm Dallas has ever seen. Your dad thought it was a good idea to take a picture of me looking silly while playing outside with the dogs. Nice dinners with friends is something your mommy and daddy used to do alot. chance and Laura entertained us with an amazing dinner at Nick and Sam's. Sweet Ainslee went to be with Jesus and my soul was rocked. I will never be the same. If I protect you too much and don't let you go please understand that the sadness our friends live with is something I hope to never experience.

March 2011 ~ Daddy and I headed down to Lower Greenville to partake in our last St. Patrick's day without you as our adorable accessory. I can't wait to show you off in your Irish garb!! you know your Great Granddad is Irish! Also, your Nana, aunt's, and cousins came to play in Dallas for the weekend! don't tell daddy but I bought you an outfit while they were here. I knew you would be a girl when you came into our lives 2 months later..Your cousins gave me a good lesson on having 4 small kids to tend to. I think I can do it though, especially with you leading the pack :)

April 2011 ~ Can you say wedding season!!! My oh my! We had a bridal shower for your "Aunt Lauren and Uncle Hunter, celebrated the Coxin's nuptials in good ole Aggie Fashion and yes, your mom did watch the ENTIRE coverage of the royal wedding. I had to prepare myself for when I marry off my princess!!

May 2011 ~ Don't forget this month. it is very important. May 10th is your daddy's birthday and he LOVES to celebrate birthdays. Because I thought I would be pregnant with you for his big 3.0. I decided to throw him a surprise party at topgolf. He was very surprised and we had a great time with all of our friends. His gift was golf clubs but the week after his birthday he brought home that fancy boat that you will learn to wakeboard, tube, and ski on.

June 2011 ~ Best month ever!!! Your Aunt Emma and Aunt Ashley came to visit a lot! We had a ton of fun. This was also the month that Lauren and Hunter got married ANNNNNNND... The month we found out we were going to have you! If you notice I have wine in one picture and in the next I am wine-less. You were 4 weeks old.

July 2011 ~ July was fun because we got to tell your grandparents, aunts, and uncles. The most amazing site I have ever seen was our first look at you! What a beautiful person you are. We also got to throw a baby shower for your friend Jackson.

August 2011 ~ I don't have any pictures for August but my memory is still very clear. August was scary. We found out that you might have CF during this month and later confirmed it. I was heartbroken but didn't want anybody to know until we knew for sure. You had already won us over and I couldn't imagine you ever being in any pain. I went to Amarillo to be with our family and let their company act as a distraction until we knew for sure. It was Trapper's second birthday and all I could think about was hoping that you had the chance to spend all the time in Amarillo that you wanted to so that you knew just how great your family is. Looking back, it was silly to be so worried because I know you will have great doctors that will allow you to go to dusty ole Amarillo and spend LOTS of time with your cousins. YAY!!

September 2011 ~ The official news of your diagnosis went public this month and it was confirmed that you are SOOO loved. We were draped in hugs and support. The love that people have for us and you was unbelievable. In addition to the news it was also my birthday. We went to College Station to watch the Aggies lose (they do that alot so get ready.) Daddy also beat himself up on the wakeboard and had to get surgery on his pectoral muscle. Don't worry though, he will be better by the time you get here.

October 2011 ~ Madison passed away this month. She was so excited to meet you and hold you. When we told her you were going to have CF she cried for you. We can talk more about her when you are older but you should know that she has big plans for you! She wants you to be a doctor so you can cure CF (and if it is already cured you can cure another orphan disease.) For my birthday your dad got me 4 tickets to the Taylor Swift concert. they didn't know I snuck in a 5 person (you silly)

November 2011 ~ This month began our whirlwind as we got the house ready for our family and friends to preview before you get here. Nana and your aunts and cousins came in to town to help us get everything ready. We could not have done it without them!

December 2011 ~ We got to have trial run for your first Christmas... its going to be a good one for sure. I spoke at the CF event to raise some money to find you a cure and we went to Amarillo one last time before your arrival to see the family. You did great!!!

The Battle Between Why and How

My parents are doing all they can to ensure that their granddaughter can visit them in dusty ole Amarillo and for Christmas they asked us kids for an air purifier. I am so touched that they are going out of their way to ensure Sloan gets to come play in Amarillo from time to time. This is a huge deal to me as I never want to forget where I came from and always want our kids to feel at home with their grandparents.

Their gift request prompted me to start my much dreaded research for the best of the best purifier, air filters, vacuums.. etc. to ensure that our home is not acting as a catalyst to her condition. We knew the medical equipment was outrageous but I was totally caught off guard by the prices for the purifiers. I was thinking for a really good one we would be spending no more than 400 dollars for the main one and maybe 150 for a smaller one for her room and ours…. WRONG!. We are looking at a grand for each unit and the downstairs would take two and we would have one in each bedroom. Additionally, the best vacuum retails at 1500 (scientist took it up to space to collect some particles for the same reason that we need it for our home. It lets no particles escape) but the guy I am talking to will sell it at 1200 to me. The air filters are 125 a piece. UGH. I am not complaining. There is not a cost out there that we wouldn’t pay to ensure Sloan has every opportunity to have as normal a childhood as possible but geez!!

Before forking out 4K on air purifiers I decided to check and see if insurance would cover them. The call started off well, we have a great insurance company (as great as one can be anyways) and the lady was more than happy to talk with me and answer my vague questions. She told me that purifiers, in general, are not covered but if I got the HCPCS code from the Dr. along with the medical necessity note they might be able to get them covered. This was encouraging.

As the conversation continued though, the thought that I keep suppressed was rising. I kept trying to push it back down because I won’t allow CF to take the joy of having this baby away from me. But it kept coming “WHY” “why are we having to go through this” “why is our daughter to carry this burden” I HATE IT!! I REALLY HATE IT!! I HATE that we did everything right and it is SO out of our control. It was the best I could do to end the call with the insurance lady as fast as I could but it was too late. They Why’s won this round and I was left feeling defeated.

Becoming a parent to any kid is stressful, life changing, and scary but I don’t even know what those emotions are like because our senses have elevated 100 times. How are we going to take care of this child, and worse, how are we not going to feel responsible when she does get sick? How are we going to trust anybody to be around our precious little girl? I am petrified of EVERYTHING. I have found myself NOT washing my hands and thinking “I better enjoy it while I can” because my hands will be raw between the anti bacterial gel and hand washings..

Today the Why’s and How’s won and that is ok because this is a long battle and my daughter is a warrior and we will stand strong against this horrible disease and do the best we can (I want to punch CF in the face, it makes me so mad!!!!) My spirit is not broken, just needs to be recharged. Tomorrow will be better J

3rd TRIMESTER (It's a doozy)

Take a deep breath... hold it for 3 seconds and repeat 5 times.... that's better! What an amazing release of stress a simple breath is. I am so glad to have my focus back on being pregnant so I can take more of those breaths and RELAX for the sake of little miss Sloan. I am huge believer that a high stress pregnancy creates a high stress baby.

Jorde and I have done everything we know how to do to keep me from stressing and getting uptight during this pregnancy and I think (I pray anyways) that Sloan will be the living proof that a happy momma makes a happy baby... If not... I will blame it on genetics as both Jorde and I were colic and high stress babies. That said, it is not to mean that I haven't kept myself extremely busy. Busy is an understatement but that is how I like it. Now that the "BUSY" of our world has come to a momentary pause my breaths can continue and I can focus on this big "o" baby growing in my belly.

Yesterday was a much needed recovery day for the five of us (Jorde, Sloan, Me and the dogs)and we made the most of it by ordering in my favorite salad from Gloria's (if you haven't had their tropical salad you aren't living) and watching football and movies in our bedroom. This is where I interject a funny pregnancy moment.

There are simple times in life that you don't recognize as a "memory making moment" but years later you will look back and it will make you smile a big smile. I have alot of those times with Jorde in the past 9 years. they were simple moments that left a mark for one reason or another. Yesterday was one of those days but the difference is, I knew it would be. we were laying on the bed watching football and I recognized the simple perfection that the moment was... and then.. because I'm me, I started to tell Jorde that I loved this moment and the next thing I know I am bawling my eyes out telling him how I never want things to change. He is trying to be comforting but he is finding everything I say to be so ridiculous that he just can't help but laugh through his touching words.. It was terrible. I went from crying hysterically to laughing and crying so hard that I really did think I was going to have a Brain Aneurysm because I was not able to take in any air. I was just starting to gain my composer again when another thought entered my mind "60 more years with this man just isn't enough time"... at that I went back into hysterical crying which then turned into hysterical crying and laughing because I knew how ridiculous I sounded and looked but it seemed so rational to me. After my second breakdown had subsided and Jorde was done being consoling he made me aware that the second trimester was WAY easier and this emotional roller coaster is going to take some getting used to. He also let me know that while he appreciated me crying over his death that is to come in another 60 or so years, I shouldn't worry about it because once we both are dead we can spend forever together... oh man. This 45 minute dialogue was one for the books for sure. I will most likely never live it down.

As always, the weekend leading into my meltdown was amazing! We had Jorde's firm Christmas Party which is always SO MUCH fun! and Saturday we had our 4th annual "Grown Up Christmas Party." I can not tell you how much I LOVE our friends. What a good time. I ended up staying up with them until 2 in the morning and waking up to find that some had decided to stay the night so I made cinnamon rolls and coffee! it was just awesome. Below are some pictures Jorde's firm party and our Christmas party.

Pregnancy is NO JOKE!!

I joked with my sister during the Thanksgiving break that pregnancy was no joke as I struggled to squat down to get dishes from the bottom cabinets but that statement is becoming truer and truer by the day.

Today was Sloan's big day on the screen meaning we went to the specialist today! We were so excited to see her! Sure enough she performed just like I thought she would. She was opening and closing her eyes as well as opening and closing her mouth. Her hands were so precious as they stroked her forehead. The nurse knows that after she does her "job" thing I am going to ask to see her again so she stays around just a little longer just so we can watch her be HER. She is spectacular!! Her movements are so profound and "strategic" it seems. She even practiced her breathing while we watched her today which was incredible!The sonogram tech told us that they can only practice a few seconds at a time because it is very difficult. She explained it like trying to run at a fast pace in a hot, humid weather. My thoughts, obviously, went right to how much harder it must be for her. Just to think how brave she is already makes me so incredibly proud of her. She is PRACTICING how to breath. I do my best to take big, deep breaths so she can mimic them and to see her doing it all on her own just overjoyed me. She is so strong and I know she is going to OWN CF! We are going to kick its butt!

As promised, here is a picture of Little Miss Sloan!!
29 weeks :)

This next part may be T.M.I. but like I said, Pregnancy is no joke!! After the sonogram tech was finished Dr. Rhineheart came and and confirmed that everything looked good. After he finished I got up and immediately had to sit back down. I didn't feel so hot. I sat for a few minutes and then decided that maybe the best thing to do was to go to the bathroom. Jorde walked me into the bathroom where I sat and kept him updated through the door. About 30 seconds into relieving myself I told Jorde I was going to faint and to get the doctor. The problem was I went unconscious with my pants down!! oops. Soooo, a humbling experience to say the least but the good news is he is a Dr. and Jorde is my husband so I guess it could have been worse. Between the Dr. and Jorde they got me back to my bed (apparently by carrying me) and I awoke. There is no rhyme or reason why some pregnant women faint but some do and I guess I am a part of the "some." This is now my second time to faint at this Dr.'s office. The best guess as to why I fainted today is that I was on my back during the sonogram part for too long.

While I don't recommend fainting, I will say that it was totally worth it to see our precious little angel just a few minutes more.

Making Memories and Living Life

What did I ever do to deserve the gift of amazing friends and family? I find myself asking this question a lot lately. Truth be told, I am not a very good friend. It isn’t intentional but I am very much an out of sight out of mind kind of person but it seems that no matter how bad of a friend I am, my friends make up for it 10 fold. They are INCREDIBLE! Same thing for my family. What would we do without these people that have surrounded us with love, support, and laughter during this journey?

My mom, sister, and I went to home depot last week and had the best time! We walked in and saw Santa! Of course we had to take a picture with the Santa at Home Depot. After that short detour we set out to find our items and along the way a few things happened: There was a group of men on an isle that my sister and I were walking down (mind you, we had no make up on, were in sweats, and I am 7 months pregnant!!!) I noticed they were kinda checking us out.. I thought “whatever” but then.. THEN, one of the guys did a full turn to watch us walk by and I couldn’t help it.. My motherly instinct (or hormones) kicked in and I hit him on his shoulder and told him to “stop it!” He laughed at me and I told him “It wasn’t funny” and we went on our way. My sister looked at me and we burst into laughter. I can’t believe I assaulted a man in Home Depot!!! Next we realized that we had lost our mom so we did the only thing we were ever taught to do if we were lost in a store. We went to the front and had “Dana Moreland, Your daughters are at the front of the store.. Dana Moreland, Your daughters are safe at the front of the store” paged out. She comes running back into the store because apparently she forgot she taught us that as young children and she had gone to make sure the car was still there. On her way back in after insuring we were still here she smelt the hotdog stand that HomeDepot always has outside and decided to purchase a hotdog for her and one for my dad. As soon as we got in the car it exploded with weird aromas and I could have sworn her hotdog took on the smell of a nickel. From that point forward we had the giggles. My sister and I kept doing the “Elf” thing where we sniff twice and say “you stink” It was a great trip and a memory I am glad to have shared with my momma and baby sister.

Last night was the CF event that Jorde and I were asked to speak at. Our amazing friends came out to support us and what a great time and a huge success! The chair people on that event really did an outstanding job! It wasn’t until this morning that it sunk in just how much it meant to me that our friends came out to support us.. Not only that, but how much it means to me that they are always there for us. We are extremely lucky people to have made lifelong friends like ours.

So.. as you can tell (because I am able to blog again), things are starting to calm down a little (just a little.) We have made it through the transition to landlords, closed on our new house and moved, hosted two thanksgivings, and gave our speech at the CF event. Next up, Jorde’s company Christmas party, our “4th Annual Grown-Up Christmas party”, heading to Amarillo for Christmas with my family, and hosting the Scott Family Christmas. After that it’s BABY BABY BABY!! WOO-HOO!

Speaking of baby, our crib has arrived in the metroplex (meaning, it’s close but not to its new home yet) and our glider will be delivered mid next week. The dresser is on backorder so it should be here in 3 or so more weeks. In the meanwhile, the nursery will be painted next Tuesday. As you would expect, I am going back and forth on the color combos I have chosen for the room but I am sure they will look fabulous! I am a “safe” color girl but this pregnancy has really brought out the “rebel” in me when it comes to color choices. I would have been much more comfortable going with a nursery that used tranquil whites, creams, and beiges but I really wanted something that would spark imagination and when I saw my furniture set I knew I had found it but it naturally pushed me out of my comfort zone. The furniture would not have “popped” if I went with my safe colors so I decided to go with Greens and Dark Pink (as an accent color.) I can’t wait to post pictures of the nursery but until then you will just have to use your imagination of what I could possibly be up to ;) the possibilities are endless!!

When it comes to Sloan it seems that we can’t get enough of her. She has so much energy and strength it seems. We can see her rolling around and feel her making, what seems to be, calculated movements. She is really intrigued by Jorde’s voice and seems to shift in the direction that his voice is coming from. What a gift! Monday we get to go in for our sonogram and can NOT wait to see her in action! I will post pictures of her soon after. It is also that time of the pregnancy where we can do the 3d pictures. I have gone back and forth on this for a few weeks now and while I really REALLY want to see her face I think we are going to wait and be surprised when she arrives. I know, I know… this seems crazy and trust me, I am checking myself in for evaluations but this will be our little surprise. Like the parents who don’t find out the sex of the child. We will find out all at once if she got her daddy’s chocolate brown eyes or her mommy’s deep ocean blue eyes along with all the other features we are so excited to fall in love with.

This morning (and in the middle of the night) Sloan woke me up with her moving around. I told Jorde that we officially have an alien. Instead of just kicks and karate chops I am feeling smooth glides and maybe some fingers and toes.. not sure but I am sure it is not just an abrupt movement. I imagine her stretching out and seeing just how far she can go, testing her limits just like her dad. Oh man, what will she be like! I can’t wait to find out. Jorde and I have such different personalities it will be interesting to see how she favors each of us.

I wanted to share a glimpse into our future as I end this post. I follow a lady's blog who has a three year old daughter with CF. she doesn't post about it daily because she is busy living life but from time to time she posts about things that give us a better understanding of what we should be prepared for. I don't know this lady and she certainly doesn't have a clue who I am but I find her blog comforting and truly appreciate her time that she takes out of her busy life to, unknowingly, put me at ease.

Here is her blog site:
http://www.cfparent.com/?p=1497