LOVE

This love thing has gone far enough! I am going to just stop falling in love with this child right now and will start back up a week before she is born. I can’t take another 20 weeks of waiting. I AM NOT A PATIENT PERSON PEOPLE.

Ha, I wish it were that simple. I love this baby so much it hurts.

I want to hold her and kiss her and see her. I am so ready to find out if she got her daddy’s eyelashes and my nose or.. maybe she got my dimples and his chocolate eyes. However she arrives we know she will be perfect. Absolutely perfect! She started kicking two weeks ago (well she was kicking at our 9 weeks but I can feel her now!) It was dull at first, just like the doc told me, very light in the lower middle part of my belly but this week she has really started putting some power behind her kicks. Any day now Jorde will be able to feel his daughter and that is the moment.. if there were one single moment, that I have most looked forward to since falling in love with him. I have dreamed about the day that he would feel, for the first time, OUR child kick! Just thinking about that moment brings tears to my eyes.

Speaking of my “baby daddy” (he hates being called that btw); He is continuing on his most amazing husband streak. Even with him having shoulder surgery he has emerged as my prince charming. He is also very excited to meet our little girl and while we haven’t allowed ourselves to go crazy buying baby things until we get settled into our new home, he did insist that we buy her the newborn A&M beanie (shown on another blog.) He also let me know yesterday that he will not dress her in non-gender descriptive clothes because he finds it confusing with other people’s kids trying to decide if the baby is boy or girl. He is all about the bows and tutu’s. This makes me very happy! I am not a girly girl but feel confident that I can dress my daughter to be one until she tells me no more. It’s just fun!

Other things I am loving besides my daughter and husband you ask.. the fall weather, peaches, peanut butter and apples, having my energy back, Pei Wei’s Vietnamese Chicken Salad Rolls, Pepcid AC (got the clearance from the doc), and most any food that is served with a sauce or gravy. Also, for some reason I am having major separation anxiety from my mom. I need to talk to her EVERY SINGLE DAY … that is not me at all. I am very independent and used to go a week or two without talking to her and now… geez… it’s everyday. I think she is getting sick of me. I literally have nothing to talk about because she has already heard it. I just want to hear her voice.. Is this weird? Honestly, is it? I can take it.. Please let me know if I need to seek help.

I am feeling so blessed and fortunate this week. The weather is perfect, we get to see Sloan next week, the Rangers are awesome, My girlfriends and I are going to Taylor Swift this weekend (thanks to my husband), and the out pour of love and support from our friends and family has been overwhelming. We are continuing to do research and get involved with the CF Foundation. I am meeting with families that are living it, day in and day out and they are serving as my inspiration as I witness first hand that their kiddo’s are getting to take advantage of the new treatments that are developing through the research that will eventually find a cure. Sloan will have every advantage plus some due to the timing of when some of these drugs came out.

That said, my heart is heavy because as I write this, Jorde’s sweet cousin is fighting for her life and is having a life threatening surgery right now. Maddie is a severe case of CF. She is 14 years old and has taken a pretty steep drop in her health recently. 11 days ago she blew a hole in her lungs that the doctors are now trying to repair. She has been in ICU since that day being monitored while hoping the hole would close up. Her little body can’t take many more surgeries and her lungs are already so damaged. When she comes out of the surgery they will have her on a respirator until they feel comfortable that her lungs can hold their own…. This might take a while.

Last night Jorde and I went to see her and that is when reality set in. From far away it is easy to say that “Maddie is sick” but to see it up close and personal makes you realize that this is no game. Maddie is a trooper though. She told me that Sloan will never have to go through what she is going through because the medicines they have now are so much better. She told me that Sloan will be a part of the cure and that she was so happy that she would never have to go through what she is going through. This 14 year old little girl is so wise. She knows every medicine they pump into her. She shouldn’t have to know those type things.. She loves Sloan so much already and she knows they have a special bond. She told me I have to come back as soon as Sloan is kicking hard enough for other people to feel so she can feel her too. Please pray for this very special little girl and her recovery. Please pray that a cure is found soon so that Maddie can one day look back on this time and say “never again” and move on to bigger and better things.

So… this post is a little sweet and a little salty. I had no idea where it was going to go but for those of you who know me, you know I am just a ping pong ball of thoughts. Have a great weekend and enjoy those you love. Make a memory this weekend that you can talk about 20 years from now!!