A Walk to Rememeber

On February 8th, 2011 a dear friend and co-worker lost her daughter to the silent killer, SIDS. The day started as any other except Channan (my friend) was supposed to be working from home but instead was in the office to spend time with our director. There are three of us that work in the Dallas office on site at our client. As we were discussing what we were going to do for lunch, Channan’s phone rang and her life was changed forever. We didn’t end up having lunch that day. Instead I drove Channan to the hospital where we would come to the realization that Channan would not be taking her daughter home. Ainslee Ryan Soppe was a little over three months old when she went to be with our Heavenly Father. She was put down for her morning nap and never awoke.


It is still hard to put the pieces of that day together. Reality had not sunk in and Dena (our other co-worker) and myself did all we could to be strong for our friend. It was as if we were watching a movie unfold and as the plot thickened we knew we did not want to see the ending, we wanted to press stop and go back to planning our lunch. Of course there were tears and an overwhelming feeling of helplessness but it was nothing compared to the days and months to follow. Our friend, who we watched grow with her precious baby and gave opinions on her nursery had to bury her daughter and the heaviness grew on all of us.

After they called the time of death Channan, Travis (her husband), and his wonderful family were left to pick up the pieces while Dena and I … well, we didn’t really know what to do. We hadn’t lost a child but our hearts were broken all the same. Again, shock of the morning carried into months of grieving for our friend and for our own broken hearts. No person should ever have to experience losing a child or lay witness to it. Because we didn’t know what to do and had left so sudden from our client site we went back to the office to see if we could close up any lose ends. It was obvious once we got there that work was not going to get done. Our minds, hearts, efforts, were all tied up in hurting for Channan and Travis. The following day I stayed home from work. I logged in to the office but did only the bare minimum. There were a lot of tears and a lot of questions circling around in my head. I honestly don’t remember the rest of the week. I don’t remember if I went into work or if I stayed at home. Dena says there was ice that week but I thought it was sunny and beautiful… It was a blur except for the parts that dealt with being there for Channan. I do remember taking Channan’s car to her at the church on one of the days but that is it.

At 28 and 29 years old Channan and Travis were planning a funeral for their baby girl. Ainslee was the most beautiful baby girl, just like her momma. The funeral took place on Saturday, February 12th at the same church that they had christened Ainslee just a month or so before. The helplessness continued to build for Dena and I, the only thing we could do was just be there for her. But how? I am not going to say it wasn’t a little awkward because it was. This was the most sensitive situation I have ever been a part of and I didn’t want to do anything to make it worse by something I might say or something I might do. It was tough and still is. There is not a day that goes by that Channan and Travis wouldn’t give up EVERYTHING they possess to be able to hold their little girl just one more time. The heaviness that they walk with every day is unimaginable but in their pain they have inspired so many others. Me being one of them.

As we continue to heal from the loss of Ainslee we grow as individuals. Yesterday Sloan and I participated in a “Walk to Remember” for sweet Ainslee. It was cleansing and fulfilling to take part in remembering a child that was of such importance. Channan and I talked a lot of her children (they have a precious two year old boy as well) and of my dreams to be a mom. When we found out we were pregnant I didn’t know what to do.. I was clueless of the “protocol” for these type situations and didn’t want to do anything to upset her. Channan was one of the first people I turned to when we found out that Sloan would have CF. She has been such a good sounding board for everything. Her concerns for my baby are the same as mine but we both recognize that the choice between having a child that will need additional medical treatment and not having your child at all is a no brainer. I know that Channan will be a forever friend and will most likely be one of the few I would entrust my child with. She and Travis stand strong in their faith and with their family and friends as they press on in the beautiful life that God has given them. They truly are a couple worth knowing and I am so glad to call them my friends and someone I look up to.

If you would like to know more about Channan’s journey you can find her blog on my page. It is titled “I get a little bit stronger.”